also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
