Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
you will always have a special place in my vag
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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