hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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