I just saw a hot homeless man
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
