Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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