I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
