Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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