it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
