he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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