People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
