just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
