um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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