Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
