My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
