And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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