either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize