Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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