I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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