wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
