Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
