So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
