If i could tip my vagina, i would.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
