the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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