Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
