apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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