stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
