My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
