I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize