My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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