Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
i've created a new STD.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
