Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
