You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
