What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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