So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
