Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
