How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize