You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
