somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
