I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
