Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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