Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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