i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
