Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
