The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
