we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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