normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
