i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize