Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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