nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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