She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
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