its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
