He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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