My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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