I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
