I got chris browned last night
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
