Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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