Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
